Graduating College When Mom Has Cancer
My darling Royal graduated from George Washington University | Elliot School of International Affairs, during my diagnosis and bone marrow transplant recovery. When your first child is graduating from college, you are overjoyed. Truly a moment in time that a parent will never forget!
For my daughter Royal it was not as smooth as we had hoped.
College Life: Leaving the Nest
We survived the college move in, and the flights back and forth to visit when she was a freshman. I have to admit it took me a minute to adjust to Royal being away. We still had two boys in the house, so stocking the fridge and laundry piles were still the daily routine. But the feeling that something was missing was always there. Like you, I missed my daughter. Always wondering what she was really doing at night after our last call of the day. Of course, we adjusted to her new independence but it was an adjustment. As a parent, we desperately wanted to see glimpses of our child's college life but had to settle for text messages.
Life Takes a Turn
For Royal life was great with school and her grades. I'm sure her day went from being a normal school day to a day she will never forget.
One of the most difficult calls I had to make was to my daughter. I had to tell her that I had a rare blood cancer, Myelofibrosis, that was turning my bone marrow -- basically into stone. Although the odds of survival were less than 4%, my husband and I shared the news with the Shoen "we got this" attitude.
The first step, find a perfect stem cell match. Next, go through the bone marrow transplant. Sounds so simple but it's not. With Royal facing finals and college life, she had her hand's full.
My darling angel Royal continued to power through her classes while maintaining an impressive GPA. Visiting when she could, she became my rock over the phone and video calls. Her visits became my inspiration and strength. She is a one-of-a-kind blessing.
Thankfully, before the year ended we learned my amazing sister, Brenda Palms Barber, was a perfect match! Fueled with possibilities of hope, the bone marrow transplant was scheduled. Within a few weeks, the transplant was complete and I was doing great. All was well, we even celebrated my 100th-day post-transplant. Then the unthinkable happened.
Everything was going well until the winter. While Royal was home for winter break I went back into the hospital because graft vs host disease was attacking my GI tract. Royal debated whether to return to school fall semester or stay and help the family. Fortunately, she was a year ahead, so she stayed home fall semester of her sophomore year, returned in the spring.
My husband Joe and I were so proud she somehow balanced college and frequent flights back home, while maintaining good grades. For a 19-year-old young lady, a parent with cancer was a lot to handle no matter what the circumstances. Royal had the determination and unimaginable hard work to finish her senior year while her mother was recovering from cancer. Bravo kiddo! You did it!
Graduating Against the Odds
As I sat in the audience of Royal's graduation I couldn't help but feel blessed beyond measure. Who she has become, the beautiful spirit and vigor which she navigates the world is impressive. That’s what fills up my heart and always makes the tears fall. And it’s what’s gives me the greatest sense of pride.
